Baby Cuddles and the Meaning of Life

I knew having a baby was life changing, but until it was my own son, I confess: I didn’t truly understand.

At times it’s hard, it’s tiring, it’s frustrating.

Luca cries and gets cranky; he’s upset when I don’t let him chew my cell phone; he refuses to fall asleep when he desperately needs it, and when every fiber of my being wants to lay my own head on my pillow.

But I’ve never been more grateful for any earthly thing in all my life.

When I met Joe, a whole new world of emotion opened up to me. It was like a faucet turned on. Literally—I started crying over emotions more than ever before; I felt life more deeply.

Having a child, for me, has been a different kind of falling in love—something I didn’t fully know was waiting for me on the other side of pregnancy.

I’ve felt worry before, but never so acutely. I’ve treasured memories before, but never so deeply.

Like when I make Luca giggle, or find something that draws out his now-toothy grin. When I figure out what need he is trying to communicate and then fill it. When I read him stories while he watches me with those giant brown eyes. When Luca rests his head on my shoulder and closes his eyes, trusting me enough to hold him while he finally gives in to his sleepiness.

In those rocking-chair moments particularly, when my heart nearly splits its seams, I am convinced that a baby’s cuddles hold a key to life's meaning.

My short stint at motherhood has offered me a first-hand glimpse at what I believe God’s heart must be like as he watches us.

He doesn’t want us to suffer. He feels our pain. He wants the best for us. When we are anxious over getting what we want—and even throw fits about it—he is there, longing for us to lay our heads on his shoulder and close our eyes. To trust him enough to let our worries slip away into peace and the rest we so desperately need.

I always thought of God as a father, but I realize now he is also very much a mother.