The Roller Coaster

Luca’s impossibly soft cheeks; his grins, his giggles.

That wiggly, smiley squeal when I pick him up—even if it’s 3am and he’s decided it’s a good time to play.

The ability to put himself to sleep for his morning nap after playing alone in his crib for half an hour.

These are things I do not take for granted, things I’ve seen—sometimes—this past week.

I thought the worst was over after the flare up that landed us in Samsung Medical Center in January, but this latest flare was as good as any of them.

We were discharged from our third hospitalization in five weeks last Tuesday, and afterward it seemed my little man was making up for lost time, with extra energy to play and interact.

He’s still itchy, but when I see him like this, I hope.

Maybe now the worst is over, I tell myself. Except that is what I thought the last time, and I’m seeing suspicious signs again. Maybe I’m just paranoid.

This time, we stayed at the military hospital on base, and American nursing care was a breath of fresh air. In Korea, hospitals expect the family to do most of the hands-on care; I hear people hire helpers if they don’t have family to help. And the cultural hierarchy is tangible: Doctors are the center of the universe, particularly our allergist, who everyone referred to as “The Professor.”

It is just different.

At the military hospital, the nurses did all his wet dressings and brought me water. They constantly asked: Can I do anything else for you? The staff removed my used food trays. The military doctors took time to explain Luca’s care and answer my questions. Luca’s care revolved around us.

These are things I do not take for granted.

And, as a bonus, I had a full-time, dedicated nurse by my side: Sometimes a girl just needs her mom.

My mom arrived in Seoul on Saturday to the news we were in the ER, waiting for admission. She booked her tickets a few weeks before to help me manage Luca’s care at home—perhaps give me a few full nights of sleep—but her help in the hospital was vital; she came just in time.

This is something I do not take for granted.

Now, a few days after returning home again, I’m nervous. Yes, he’s still playing well (for the most part). Yes, I'm vigilant about his skin treatment and avoiding potential allergens (i.e. any solid foods).

But he’s gotten a bit crankier, again. And now he has trouble settling and staying asleep for his naps. He cries more than usual, scratches his knees back and forth on the mattress, rubs his head or pulls his ears.

Yesterday, parts of his skin seemed splotchy red, just slightly. Just enough to worry me.

But Luca still grins at me from across the room while he plays with his Nana, so I suppose tomorrow can worry about itself.

Right now, he is healthy. And this is something I do not take for granted.