A Recipe: Coconut Milk Candy Cane Ice Cream

I knew being a stay-at-home mom of a baby would be challenging, but I didn’t realize it would be the most difficult (though rewarding, of course) job I can imagine. I never thought about the fact that there are limited breaks and no weekends. There is no “going home from work” at the end of each day. So, on the days when Luca is cranky or sick or only taking 30-minute naps, I need a creative outlet to let off some steam. These days, after Luca's bedtime, my creative energy is focused on the kitchen. Well, to be completely clear: on desserts. On coconut-milk-based desserts.

For Thanksgiving, I made coconut-milk-based pumpkin spice pie, and guests said my pie made the traditional (store bought) one pale in comparison, and I don’t think they were just being nice.

My pumpkin craving sprung on me with the sudden chill a few weeks prior, and after I discovered Korean Starbucks don’t carry pumpkin spice lattes, I turned to coconut-milk-based pumpkin ice cream—modified (a lot) from this recipe—and it was deliciously creamy and autumnal.

Now that Christmas is approaching, my cravings have made the seasonal progression from pumpkin to peppermint.

That’s right. Coconut-milk-based candy cane ice cream. Luca really wanted some (or, perhaps more likely, he wanted to eat the bowl).

Here’s the recipe:

COCONUT MILK CANDY CANE ICE CREAM
For electric ice cream makers

2 eggs
¾ cup sugar
1 can of (full fat) coconut milk
½ that amount of almond (or soy, rice, etc.) milk
1 TB vanilla (I use Mexican or Malagasy vanilla—the big jars. You may want to modify if you use the little jars of extract.)
1 tsp peppermint extract (or mint extract, if the ingredients say it contains peppermint oil)
4 (ish) Candy canes crushed to where about half the chunks are tiny (some will be powder), and half are the size you’d like to eat in your ice cream—I used an off-brand slap chop.
¾ cup chocolate chips (I didn’t measure) chopped to the size you’d like to see in your ice cream—I used the fake slap chop.
1 TB of brandy (though I’m sure another liquor would work)

Beat eggs until light and fluffy (I used an electric stand mixer). Add sugar slowly while beating; beat well. Add coconut milk. Fill coconut milk can halfway with almond milk; add that too. Add vanilla, peppermint, and the smaller chunks of candy cane (about half—these will essentially melt into the ice cream to add flavor and color). Put mixture in ice cream maker and freeze according to your ice cream maker’s instructions. When the ice cream has about 5 or 10 minutes left (getting thick, but not done yet), slowly add the rest of the candy cane chunks and the chocolate chips, letting them mix in. When the ice cream is basically done, add the brandy and let it spin about 2 minutes more. Enjoy right away or let it firm up a little more in the freezer.

I like to re-stir homemade ice creams before bed just to make sure sections don’t freeze solid. Texture is best if you eat it within a few days, but if/when it gets too hard, you can just set it out to soften before serving.

‘Have it Your Way’ Does Not Translate

American consumers are used to getting what they want, how they want it. “Exceptions welcome” is the heart of customer service in the United States.

Want your burger without onions? Sure! Want the chef to leave the nuts or cucumbers off your salad? No problem! Want to substitute veggies for French fries? Why not?

And for the lactose intolerants among us, want your pizza or burrito without cheese? Of course!

Restaurants and coffee shops are built for personalization: Think Chipotle or Chop’t. Or Starbucks.

Especially Starbucks! In the U.S., ask for a venti extra-foam nonfat 1-pump sugar-free vanilla half-caf latte, and the barista will only smile, nod and ring you up. No question.

Western culture is often emulated in Korea, and many western chains have crossed the great big pond, but the ‘have it your way’ mentality didn’t make the journey. It just doesn’t fit quite right here.

Don’t get me wrong, there is some excellent customer service here in Seoul—like the four-story dentist office I visited that looked more like a luxury health spa; I was escorted to each floor I visited by a polite, English-speaking woman in a skirt suit. Like the parking garages at malls; attendants bow to drivers as they direct traffic.

Patbingsu!

But try to order a bubble tea without milk, or try to substitute flavored syrup for heavy cream in patbingsu—my favorite shaved ice, mochi and red bean dessert—and oh, man. You are in for a hassle. Substitutions and exceptions are not built into the customer service mentality at most cafés and restaurants.

But, boy, do I try anyway.

Once at a bubble tea shop in the Coex Mall, I noticed the girl pouring ingredients in one by one. Flavoring, milk, ice, tapioca balls. It wasn’t pre-mixed. Excellent, I thought, just change milk for water, and I can drink it!

Wrong.

There’s no asking a manager; there’s no apology. Just: No. Can’t do it.

Sometimes I do get away with these substitutions, I think since I’m a foreigner speaking (a tiny bit of) Korean. Probably because they (accurately) assume I can’t say much more in Korean than I already said, they don’t want to argue with me.

And, are you ready for the real shocker? The hassle even happens at Starbucks in Korea.

Starbucks! The coffee shop known for interchangeable ingredients!

But I’m stubborn.

When I saw the sign for peppermint mochas, I was thrilled. There is nothing so comforting as a sweet, warm, soy-milky, caffeinated beverage on an ice-cold day.

The first time I asked for a grande single-shot soy peppermint white mocha, the barista had to repeat back to me: “Whah-ee-tuh?” Since this is the pronunciation when spelled in Korean.

“Ney, whah-ee-tuh,” I affirmed.

She looked doubtful. She thought. I re-explained my drink. She thought again, then nodded and took my payment. Not bad.

The second time I ordered my drink was on the military base, where the baristas speak English.

“I’m sorry, we don’t have that menu item,” she said.

“Oh, it’s the same as a peppermint mocha, but when you pump the chocolate in, you just pump white chocolate instead,” I explained.

“But we don’t have that menu item,” she repeated. “We can’t do it.”

I stood my ground, longing for that sweet warmth. “I order this all the time in the States, and I already ordered it at another Starbucks in Korea with no problem,” I explained, as respectfully as I could. “I know it’s possible; you just pump in white chocolate instead of chocolate.”

She stalled. She looked around the store—perhaps for the other barista who had stepped away—and back at me, bundled against the cold, pushing my stroller.

And she agreed.

If I’d tried that business at a Café Bene or Tom & Tom’s, I’m sure I would have walked out the door empty handed.

Now, I mean no disrespect. I understand that Korean culture is collective while American culture is individualist. Korea is homogonous while America is a salad bowl, or melting pot, or whatever. Critical thinking is not a priority here the way it is in the United States.

At Korean businesses—from what I hear—employees are expected to tow the line and follow the boss without question or creativity.

In the U.S., teachers complain about having to teach to standardized tests, but in Korea, education is—again, from what I hear—completely focused on preparing students to pass one, entire-life-deciding college entrance exam the November of their senior year. This test is such a big deal that companies tell workers to come in an hour late so students won’t face traffic; airplanes are not allowed to take off or land during the exam, for fear the noise will distract; the energy company puts extra crews on standby in case of power outages. A few years ago, according to the Wall Street Journal, a police officer even used his siren to rush to a student’s house to retrieve the test admission ticket she left behind and bring it to her at school.

The same WSJ article explains that Koreans believe the test is far more fair and objective than hiring admissions officers to look at essays and consider additional criteria, as American institutions looking for well-rounded students do.

It makes sense that this black-and-white attitude trickles down even to the bubble tea shop girl. She did as she was instructed by her boss, with no wiggle room. Why cause ripples? Why make a change? Why do something out of the ordinary to keep a customer?

I feel bad, sometimes, for asking employees to go against the norm since I understand it is a cultural difference.

…But not quite bad enough to stop. Starbucks run, anyone?


* * *

And, just for fun, here are some other things that didn't translate well...

(windows on a cell phone shop, and the checkout counter at a toy store selling Gunpla, a Japanese fighter toy.)

I miss you happy together ha!ha!ha! talk to her don't worry you are my sunshine

Apparently C.O.U.N.T.E.R stands for Come With Empty Hands, Gone With Full of Gunpla Bags

Mommy Care Postpartum: Maintaining Sanity

Pregnancy is full of wonder, nausea and excitement. And maybe swollen ankles. What will my baby look like? What will he be like?

I used to assign wise thoughts to my growing baby, who of course could understand my budding love for him in-utero. And when he came out all serene and sleepy, he still seemed wise. My baby, I decided, is an old soul.

Um.

Yeah, babies are babies, and they cry to communicate. They are learning everything from scratch. Everything.

Well, everything aside from making those oh-so-relieving, old-man-like stretch groans—apparently those are innate. And adorable.

New mommyhood is a challenge, but there are some things that, for me, helped (or would have helped) soften the blow of sudden and complete life change.

Remember that Everything is a Phase
Those first six weeks? Total blur.

At the time, I felt like I’d always remember every detail of Luca’s first weeks of life, those emotional, joyful, challenging weeks. But I don’t—and that’s a blessing, even though my son was a relatively easy newborn. (Not easy, mind you. Relatively easy.)

When it is difficult, when you cry, when you feel like you are screwing up new mommyhood, when whatever is happening seems too hard, just remember: This is just a phase. It will pass.

Clogged tear duct? Just a phase. Baby acne? Just a phase. Colicky crying? Just a phase (that I hear ends at 3 months). Cradle cap? Just a phase. (Right? Please? Because I feel like cradle cap is going to last forever.)

Oh, here’s an important one: Around week three, your baby will probably start cluster feeding for a while. I remember one day I fed Luca for the better part of two-plus hours, with barely a break in between. He just kept asking to be fed over and over and over and over. I cried, thinking my new life was completely unsustainable. But it didn’t last. And, later, I learned it was a growth spurt. Totally normal.

Just a phase. It gets better.

Don’t Google
Seriously. New moms are way too quick to jump to guilt and worry. Most of my new-mommy freakouts came after a session of Googling whatever was going on with Luca. So Google sparingly, and preferably not during a middle-of-the-night wakeup when your sanity is already just so-so.

Get Breastfeeding Support
Breastfeeding is hard at first, and for some, it continues to be a challenge. Some moms have to give up on it, and if that’s you—don’t feel guilty. A sane mom is more important to a baby than breastmilk. And don’t judge your friends if they have to give up, either.

Your birthing place likely has lactation consultants: Use them! If they aren’t awesome, find another one—or find a local support group of experienced breastfeeders like La Leche League. Or just reach out to other breastfeeding moms.

Hiring a doula meant I got in-home lactation consulting on top of the initial assistance with latch, and I was grateful to have someone watch me breastfeed, tell me if things seemed right, teach me different positions and suggest ways to make breastfeeding easier.

Here are some things I was glad to know in those early days, and some I learned along the way:

1. Milk takes a few days to come in. Don’t worry. Chances are, your baby is getting enough sustenance from the colostrum that comes out.
2. When your milk comes in a few days postpartum, your boobs will get gigantic, hard, and painful. That does not last forever, as I feared for an entire day (sorry, husbands).
3. You need leak pads. Definitely.
4. RELAX, since it helps with milk letdown (this is more of a challenge at the beginning when it hurts).
5. If you get sore, express a little extra milk and spread it around, letting it dry on your nipples. That lanolin cream works, too, but I found milk easier. And free.
6. When your baby is eating on one side, the other side will leak.
7. Massage your breast briefly before feeding (this can be 10 seconds).
8. Massage your breasts in a hot shower often (that is, when you have time to shower), or have someone close to you (one way your husband can help!) massage your breasts with a hot towel while you lie down, maybe a couple times a week at the beginning. All this massage feels good, yes, but it is mostly to avoid plugged ducts and mastitis.
9. If you think you have a plugged duct, massage and/or put a hot towel on the spot while the baby sucks. Breastfeed a lot.
10. Breastfeeding makes you very thirsty—have some water handy.
11. You will be hungry all the time, so prepare some quick and healthy snacks. (You thought that insatiable hunger would go away after pregnancy, didn’t you? Nope! You’re still growing a tiny human, just outside your body.)

Find Other New Mommies and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE
This one depends on personality, but everyone needs community. If you’re struggling with a fussy baby, or frustrated that breastfeeding and diaper changes fill your day, why not join others going through the same thing? Everyone understands, and nobody cares if they see your boob when you nurse. Commiserate. Share milestones. Let your babies have group tummy time. Eat snacks, since you are most likely all starving.

Or, go on outings to a park or a mall or a tourist attraction. If your newborn sleeps whenever you’re out, take advantage of that time and eat at restaurants or hang out in coffee shops. That will not last. I repeat: That will not last. I’m pretty sure we’ll be eating at the most casual of restaurants for the next 3-5 years. Or more.

Additionally, if you are a Facebooker, there are a lot of good mommy Facebook groups. Find one with like-minded women, and you can throw out a question, vent or celebrate your baby’s achievements to others around the country (or the world, in my case) who won’t judge you or think you’re annoying for bragging.

Adjust Expectations
Cooking? Cleaning? Reading? Blogging? Sending out birth announcements? Sleeping? Ha!

Keep your expectations loose for the day-to-day. Some days I get a lot done around the house, and I make dinner. Other days, Luca is fussy and needs to be held basically all day, so I get nothing done.

He only naps for 30-45 minutes at a time right now, about enough time to get some food, go to the bathroom, and clean up my dishes. Maybe I can sit down to catch up on the news or Facebook or email. If we’re having a rough day, all I want to do is veg out during those few precious minutes I have to myself.

Enlist Daddy’s Help
Your baby’s daddy can’t breastfeed, but he can take the baby for walks while you take a long bath, he can hold and play with the baby while you catch up on whatever you need to catch up on, or maybe he can rock him or her to sleep after nursing.

LET HIM HELP.

DON’T HOVER OR MICROMANAGE. (Believe me, the temptation is strong.)

Yes, perhaps you’ve spent the most time with the little one, and perhaps you know exactly what they need. But let them bond in their own way. Obviously, if you want to lovingly and humbly give a clue as to what the baby needs in that moment, do so. But don’t make the man feel useless.

Tucks Medicated Pads
This is an awkward one, but one I’m so grateful my sister recommended. (Thanks, Brandy!)

These are not pads as you normally think of them—though, while we’re on the subject, you basically need to wear diapers immediately after giving birth. Expect to lose a lot of blood, especially the first couple days.

Tucks are little wipes soaked in witch hazel, an herb, and they work wonders for soothing your healing—ahem—personal area, particularly if there was any tearing involved. (Also… all of that pushing might mean you’ll need Tucks for their main intended purpose as well. Just read the box.)

Don’t Judge or Feel Judged
Be prepared: There are all kinds of debates about parenting babies, particularly over sleep habits. To sleep train or not to sleep train? To let them cry it out or not let them cry it out? Research, learn and consider, but your choice is your choice. And another mom’s choice is her choice, even if it is different from yours.