The Wedding Hall Phenomenon

When I took my semester of Korean language, some of my classmates—mostly from Japan and Taiwan—asked to see a wedding photo.

I showed them the one pictured here, a wide shot of the Oak tree and the whole event, flower petals and all. My wedding was not unheard of for the United States—many people, especially in California, have gorgeous outdoor weddings. Mine was awesome and perfect for me, but it wasn't featured in Modern Bride or The Knot.

“Oooh, it’s like a Korean drama!” One chimed.

“It’s like a movie!” another said.

I laughed a little; I hadn’t intended to show off—they were simply fascinated by all the aspects of me, a white Westerner, marrying an ethnically Korean guy.

That kind of wedding is not commonplace in Asia. In fact, in Korea, weddings are a different animal altogether. Did you ever have prom in a big hotel? You know, when there were at least three proms going on at the same time in different ballrooms? This is essentially how so-called “wedding halls” work here in Seoul.

Joe and Mallie, bowing at our Korean wedding in New York

Western-style, walk-down-the-aisle weddings are a relatively new phenomenon in Korea. The traditional ceremony involved the bride and groom bowing in return for advice from the older generations, a bride-and-groom piggyback ride, and other symbolic and entertaining activities. Some couples still include such traditions in the festivities, usually just in front of family members.

The weddings here, now, are almost factory produced—and in a place as crowded as this city, such a system seems to work well. Or maybe the system works because it fits better with a culture that isn’t concerned with each individual having it her way. Maybe there are elaborate wedding halls like these in the United States, but I haven't seen them.

Brandy in a "Bride's Room" in 2012

When my sister Brandy visited shortly after Luca's birth in 2012, we explored a wedding hall at a nearby shopping mall (yes, you can even tie the knot in a mall)—sneaking into the Bride's Rooms to snap photos when the security guards weren't looking—and it was fascinating. Several beautiful “chapels” are pre-decorated in various styles, some more formal and others modern (think clear glass floor aisle), and buffet rooms are always set up, ready to go. You basically check off some boxes and the work is done for you. What color? What time? Which flower? None of this whole American way of planning from scratch, finding and decorating a church and a reception hall, and so on. Less personal, maybe, but more efficient.

In fact, the system may have crossed the giant pond. We initially planned to have our Korean wedding at a Korean restaurant with a reception hall in New York, though we ended up in my in-laws’ gorgeous backyard. Now that I think about it, the restaurant’s room was pre-set for a wedding and reception, and all I had to do was pick flowers and colors. I remember being surprised by such a room; I never saw anything like that in California.

Me in another "Bride's Room" in 2012

Here in Korea, I haven’t made it to any of the few weddings I was invited to over the past couple years—something Luca-related always conflicted—but from what I hear, the ceremony is broadcast in the buffet room, and some guests go straight for the food and watch the couple wed on screen. At some point, someone will take a centerpiece, and suddenly there will be a run on centerpieces, all gone in minutes. This is expected: Staffers wait with plastic to help wrap flowers.

Maybe it is because so many of movies come from Hollywood, but other than Greek and Indian weddings, I never thought about how such ceremonies might be fundamentally different around the world. Once an Italian diplomat and his wife visited our home, and the wife fawned over one of my wedding pictures. “So it’s true?” she asked. “You have the... maids? What do you call them? It’s just like the movies!”

I guess that’s the fun in living abroad: I get to see integral aspects of society done differently. I get to be surprised by details I wouldn't have thought to research. I get out of my American bubble.